save us all, tell me life is beautiful

  • Nov. 5th, 2008 at 10:31 PM
brillando: ([Politics] california for obama)
Okay I have calmed down somewhat regarding Prop 8. I'm still extremely disappointed by it and feel rather betrayed by my state, HOWEVER, this is still my state. This is still my home. And I think I have found a new purpose, a new cause to work towards - repealing Prop 8. I want to stay here and fight for my beautiful home, because dammit us Californians fucking DESERVE equal rights. Running away isn't the answer.

It's a little strange that I feel this way because before I was like I WANT TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY AFTER I GRADUATE and I do still want to travel, but... I feel like this could be my calling. In any case, I don't want to just give up my politically active life just because the election is over.

Last night will always be remembered as one of the most wonderful nights of my life, though. ♥

Enough about that, meme time! Ganked from [ profile] xenoamorist
Comment anonymously with:
❶ One thing you really like about me
❷ One thing you don't really like about me
brillando: ([KKJ] angelique)
I've been struggling a lot lately, but I came to the realization that there is a gaping emptiness in my life, in my soul, and everything I have been doing are the WRONG ways to fill it.

Food can't do it. Fandom can't do it. Languages can't do it. Not even my lovely friends are enough.

I have known all along the only thing that can, but I have been led so astray from the truth, I had been able to fool myself for so long... but no longer.

I know now... only God can fill this emptiness. I was in the darkness for so long when the truth was so simple!

I never really listened to what the people at my old church said, because I was so stuck in my ways. Now, I know better. I'm going to return and REALLY listen to them, without letting any of my past beliefs get in the way.

I really think that they have gotten in the way of a lot of other things, too. I feel so... dirty when I look back on all that I've said, all that I've read, all that I've done. I have let sin taint my life for so long. I want to feel pure again.

Another thing I've realized is that if I truly want to be pure, then I can no longer be a part of fandom. There are too many temptations in it, and while God gives me strength, I don't know if I can overcome temptations that huge.

Because of that, and the fact that this LJ contains many vivid, detailed accounts of all the sins I've committed, I feel like I NEED to move. I already have a new LJ, [ profile] encielocondios. I haven't added you all there yet because this is so sudden, I want you to read this and then make the choice of whether or not you still want to be friends. While it would be painful to separate from you, I cannot force you to stay friends with this new version of me, who is quite different than the persona you have seen for so long. After all, I will be trying to purify myself, in all senses of the word.

I am sorry for this abrupt announcement, but it is something I do need to do. I hope you will follow me there, but if not, I will keep you in my prayers. ♥

musings on language

  • Dec. 9th, 2007 at 12:26 AM
brillando: ([Random] orca love)
I watched Cinema Paradiso tonight for my film class, and yeah, it's a great film. But the more interesting aspect to me was the fact that it was all in Italian, and not just that, but - the fact that, even though I've never studied Italian in my life, I was able to read it. xD;; Though there wasn't a lot TO read. Still, just listening to the language was interesting: not only is it beautiful, but I was able to pick up a few Italian vocabulary just because of my knowledge of both French and Spanish.

It's strange, but I really feel like Italian is this mix between French and Spanish, which just doesn't make much sense to me with my limited linguistic knowledge, because that should only happen if Italy was in between Spain and France - but obviously, it's not. So now I'm extremely interested in the development of these languages, and namely, in how the FUCK did French turn out so differently? Because really, Italian is overall more similar to Spanish, from what I could catch. Quite fascinating.

And earlier today, I was out doing a few errands, and some required me to go to my college. Every Saturday there is a swap meet there, and it is run and attended mainly by Spanish speakers, though of course the vendors know English. But just because they know it, doesn't mean that I heard it that much - the only time I heard English was when I talked to them (I would've tried speaking in Spanish if I had any confidence in my ability just yet).

And just... I can't really describe the kind of contentment that I had as I walked down the rows, listening to the Spanish that I couldn't really understand around me, reading the Spanish signs... for once, I was the minority, with my white skin and the lack of language knowledge. It felt like, for those moments, that I wasn't in California, or the US, but rather another country, like Mexico, or maybe someplace more south.

The fact that that made me so happy is just a sign that... I really need to get the fuck out of here. LOL. No offense to my country, as it's a lovely place, and I'm proud to call California my home, but that just only fueled my fire for traveling. I don't know when it'll happen, but I'm going to make sure that it will.