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Entry tags:
KKM Crack Fic
Title: Fuzzy Pink Handcuffs
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jetaimerai
Rating: PG
Pairings: Nothing more than the series would allow.
Disclaimer: Not mine!
Notes: Complete. Utter. Crack. Don't ask where this came from... XD
Yuuri turned to Conrad. “How are you?”
“How am I? I’m fine, Heika,” Conrad said, bemused, “But if you haven’t noticed, we’re stuck.”
“I know,” Yuuri said with a loopy grin. “I just thought I’d ask, since we’ll be together for awhile now.”
Out of some weird magic, they have ended up stuck together… literally.
“What are these?” Yuuri asked, peering at a pair of fuzzy pink handcuffs.
Conrad, who was sitting nearby, answered, “Those are handcuffs, Heika.”
“Well, duh,” Yuuri said exasperatedly, “But what are they doing there?”
Conrad stifled a laugh. “Someone could have just left them there and forgot to pick them up.”
“I suppose,” Yuuri said. He picked up the pair. “Hey, these are actually pretty fuzzy—“ He was interrupted by the handcuffs, as if they had a life of their own, starting pulling Yuuri towards Conrad. “What is it doing?”
“I don’t know, Heika,” Conrad commented.
The handcuffs brought Yuuri to Conrad’s side, and promptly clicked itself over both Conrad and Yuuri’s wrist. “Oh God, not again…”
He furrowed his brows. “Not again, Heika?”
“I was handcuffed to Gwendal too,” Yuuri said, “A long time ago. But not like this.”
“This indeed is a problem,” Conrad mused. “Do you see any keys nearby?” He started looking himself.
“No,” Yuuri said, “These were by themselves when I picked them up. I have no idea what to do now.” Conrad just sighed.
“You’ve only just been sitting there for ten minutes, Heika,” Conrad said with a smile, “Are you bored already?”
“Yes,” Yuuri pouted, “What else am I supposed to do?”
“We could go looking for those keys,” Conrad suggested, even though he knew what it might look like to outsiders.
“Okay!” Yuuri stood up abruptly, dragging Conrad along, and he eagerly left the library. The first person they encountered was, unfortunately, Wolfram.
“Yuuri! Weller!” he shouted, racing to meet up to them, “Just what do you think you’re doing!”
“It was an accident, I swear!” Yuuri said in defense, bringing both arms up, leaving Conrad’s to dangle.
“An accident?” Wolfram narrowed his eyes dangerously. “How does a cheater like you accidentally do that!”
“It really was an accident, Wolfram,” Conrad cut into the argument, “And we cannot find the key.”
Wolfram still looked suspicious. “Fine. But I will accompany you on your quest.”
And so he did. Together, the three looked up and down the corridors looking for the key, occasionally asking passing maids for information. The next person they saw was Gunter.
“Oi! Gunter!” Yuuri said, waving with his free hand, “Do you think you could help us? We’ve lost our key!”
In response, Gunter simply broke down in tears. Yuuri frowned. “Oh, Gunter, don’t do that! What’s wrong?”
Gunter sniffled, and Yuuri walked closer, taking Conrad along with him. He unthinkingly knelt down next to the man, and Conrad fell to the floor ungracefully. “Sorry, Conrad,” he turned to Gunter, “Now tell me, what’s wrong?”
“Oh, Heika, I don’t deserve such kindness!” he wailed, “Especially since you have decided to join in harmony with Conrad!”
“What? What are you talking about, Gunter?”
“It’s a new tradition, started recently by the commoners, but it has made its way up to the nobles,” Gunter explained in a scholarly voice, “When a couple is handcuffed together, it symbolizes a commitment.”
Yuuri felt a headache coming on. “You mean… as in marriage?”
”What?!” Wolfram raged, “That is ridiculous! But they didn’t know what it meant, and Yuuri’s engaged to me!”
“It was signed into law, by Heika’s own hand,” Gunter said, “Were you actually reading the paperwork you signed?”
“I don’t remember that at all.” Yuuri frowned, “But how would that work in this situation? Unless I’m allowed to have two spouses…”
“You… you cheater!” Wolfram yelled, gathering fireballs in his palms in anger. Yuuri cringed, fearing for his life, before seeing Gwendal running down the corridor.
“Gwendal! Where are you going?”
He received no response as he continued running, though as he passed they noticed an expression of sheer terror on his face.
Anissina.
Just as they expected, Anissina ran up shortly after he did. She however paused when she saw the crowd, and smirked delightfully. “Oh Heika, Weller-kyo, congratulations!”
Yuuri narrowed his eyes. “Hi Anissina-san,” he said, “This… this isn’t what you think it is. This is just an accident.”
“An accident? How so?” she asked, amused.
“It was very unusual,” Conrad answered, “These handcuffs were just lying there, and Yuuri-heika picked them up. However, they locked themselves on our wrists on their own accord.” He frowned. “You wouldn’t have anything to do with this, would you?”
“Ahh, so it worked~!” Anissina exclaimed, “I’m so glad that Self-Locking-Handcuffs-kun turned out so successfully!”
“So it is your fault!” Wolfram shrieked, “Unlock them now, or… or…”
“Ahh, I see. I apologize for causing such chaos,” the wicked grin on her face disproved her statement. She went over to Yuuri and Conrad and unlocked them. “There. You’re unlocked. No harm done!” And with a chuckle, she continued running down the corridor.
Yuuri dropped the handcuffs on the floor and inched away from them. “Well, I’m glad that’s done,” Yuuri said, “Though I am curious. Am I allowed to have two spouses…?”
The ensuing headlock he found himself in told him otherwise.
Author:
jetaimeraiRating: PG
Pairings: Nothing more than the series would allow.
Disclaimer: Not mine!
Notes: Complete. Utter. Crack. Don't ask where this came from... XD
Yuuri turned to Conrad. “How are you?”
“How am I? I’m fine, Heika,” Conrad said, bemused, “But if you haven’t noticed, we’re stuck.”
“I know,” Yuuri said with a loopy grin. “I just thought I’d ask, since we’ll be together for awhile now.”
Out of some weird magic, they have ended up stuck together… literally.
“What are these?” Yuuri asked, peering at a pair of fuzzy pink handcuffs.
Conrad, who was sitting nearby, answered, “Those are handcuffs, Heika.”
“Well, duh,” Yuuri said exasperatedly, “But what are they doing there?”
Conrad stifled a laugh. “Someone could have just left them there and forgot to pick them up.”
“I suppose,” Yuuri said. He picked up the pair. “Hey, these are actually pretty fuzzy—“ He was interrupted by the handcuffs, as if they had a life of their own, starting pulling Yuuri towards Conrad. “What is it doing?”
“I don’t know, Heika,” Conrad commented.
The handcuffs brought Yuuri to Conrad’s side, and promptly clicked itself over both Conrad and Yuuri’s wrist. “Oh God, not again…”
He furrowed his brows. “Not again, Heika?”
“I was handcuffed to Gwendal too,” Yuuri said, “A long time ago. But not like this.”
“This indeed is a problem,” Conrad mused. “Do you see any keys nearby?” He started looking himself.
“No,” Yuuri said, “These were by themselves when I picked them up. I have no idea what to do now.” Conrad just sighed.
“You’ve only just been sitting there for ten minutes, Heika,” Conrad said with a smile, “Are you bored already?”
“Yes,” Yuuri pouted, “What else am I supposed to do?”
“We could go looking for those keys,” Conrad suggested, even though he knew what it might look like to outsiders.
“Okay!” Yuuri stood up abruptly, dragging Conrad along, and he eagerly left the library. The first person they encountered was, unfortunately, Wolfram.
“Yuuri! Weller!” he shouted, racing to meet up to them, “Just what do you think you’re doing!”
“It was an accident, I swear!” Yuuri said in defense, bringing both arms up, leaving Conrad’s to dangle.
“An accident?” Wolfram narrowed his eyes dangerously. “How does a cheater like you accidentally do that!”
“It really was an accident, Wolfram,” Conrad cut into the argument, “And we cannot find the key.”
Wolfram still looked suspicious. “Fine. But I will accompany you on your quest.”
And so he did. Together, the three looked up and down the corridors looking for the key, occasionally asking passing maids for information. The next person they saw was Gunter.
“Oi! Gunter!” Yuuri said, waving with his free hand, “Do you think you could help us? We’ve lost our key!”
In response, Gunter simply broke down in tears. Yuuri frowned. “Oh, Gunter, don’t do that! What’s wrong?”
Gunter sniffled, and Yuuri walked closer, taking Conrad along with him. He unthinkingly knelt down next to the man, and Conrad fell to the floor ungracefully. “Sorry, Conrad,” he turned to Gunter, “Now tell me, what’s wrong?”
“Oh, Heika, I don’t deserve such kindness!” he wailed, “Especially since you have decided to join in harmony with Conrad!”
“What? What are you talking about, Gunter?”
“It’s a new tradition, started recently by the commoners, but it has made its way up to the nobles,” Gunter explained in a scholarly voice, “When a couple is handcuffed together, it symbolizes a commitment.”
Yuuri felt a headache coming on. “You mean… as in marriage?”
”What?!” Wolfram raged, “That is ridiculous! But they didn’t know what it meant, and Yuuri’s engaged to me!”
“It was signed into law, by Heika’s own hand,” Gunter said, “Were you actually reading the paperwork you signed?”
“I don’t remember that at all.” Yuuri frowned, “But how would that work in this situation? Unless I’m allowed to have two spouses…”
“You… you cheater!” Wolfram yelled, gathering fireballs in his palms in anger. Yuuri cringed, fearing for his life, before seeing Gwendal running down the corridor.
“Gwendal! Where are you going?”
He received no response as he continued running, though as he passed they noticed an expression of sheer terror on his face.
Anissina.
Just as they expected, Anissina ran up shortly after he did. She however paused when she saw the crowd, and smirked delightfully. “Oh Heika, Weller-kyo, congratulations!”
Yuuri narrowed his eyes. “Hi Anissina-san,” he said, “This… this isn’t what you think it is. This is just an accident.”
“An accident? How so?” she asked, amused.
“It was very unusual,” Conrad answered, “These handcuffs were just lying there, and Yuuri-heika picked them up. However, they locked themselves on our wrists on their own accord.” He frowned. “You wouldn’t have anything to do with this, would you?”
“Ahh, so it worked~!” Anissina exclaimed, “I’m so glad that Self-Locking-Handcuffs-kun turned out so successfully!”
“So it is your fault!” Wolfram shrieked, “Unlock them now, or… or…”
“Ahh, I see. I apologize for causing such chaos,” the wicked grin on her face disproved her statement. She went over to Yuuri and Conrad and unlocked them. “There. You’re unlocked. No harm done!” And with a chuckle, she continued running down the corridor.
Yuuri dropped the handcuffs on the floor and inched away from them. “Well, I’m glad that’s done,” Yuuri said, “Though I am curious. Am I allowed to have two spouses…?”
The ensuing headlock he found himself in told him otherwise.
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Yuuri said, "Though I am curious. Am I allowed to have two spouses...?"
- NO! *shoves Wolfram at him*
^__^ Anissina is always amusing.
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Danke!
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By the way--I <3 your YozRad picture. A lot. I'm honored to be hosting it for you. XD
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Hee, I understand that feeling. I'm a slave to the RP yet it takes me awhile to get caught up! At least now, during the ball. XD
Thanks~! I'm glad that you like my Shori! *snuggles him* Yeah, that surprised me, too. That's why I made him guilt-trip. >.>;;
You should join us~! I used to be just a lurker and I enjoyed it that way, but the fun grows exponentially when you're actually playing. ^_^
pink handcuffs
where does one get one? *winks*
i like this one.... terribly
and I do approve of Anissima's matchmaking of KonYuu